I was locked in cupboards and the Infirmary and a phone box…. They cut my hair with garden shears, I was made scrub the floors with a toothbrush. I was sedated with valium, and they gave me 100mgs of Mygatule continuously to quieten me down, I had no friends, when I went to the showers the Nuns had someone stand in the shower with me to make sure I washed myself properly. The facts of life were never discussed. On one of my escapes I guess I was looking for someone to cuddle me, I had a one night stand therefore at the age of 18 I fell pregnant.

The Nuns transferred me to "Elim" as soon as they discovered the pregnancy. Matron Earl was in charge. At "Elim" I did the washing, ironing, cleaning of the delivery rooms after a birth, scrubbing the toilets and also the showers. I can never remember seeing a doctor whilst being pregnant. I had a very long and hard labour of 18 hours, all cries of help were ignored, no medication for the pain was given, and I was not told what to expect during labour. I had a seven-pound baby boy. I don't recall a doctor being present, I was torn and stitched, and I was told not to be a sook when I complained of soreness.

My baby was born March 18th 1969, but papers reveal March 20th. The Matron at "Elim" kept telling me I was there because I was "naughty, a disgrace to the public, I was a welfare child, and you know what you did wrong." Sedation still continued whilst in "Elim". I named my son Craig Douglas, and I looked after him because they said no-one wanted him.

The Matron and Mr. Garth Bond broached the subject of adoption, I was physically threatened by Mr. Bond if I absconded with my son. Mr. Bond told me that Craig would be placed for adoption as I was an "unfit mother and a welfare kid, a runaway kid and a nobody's child". They were trying to convince me to give up my baby. Mr. Bond actually put the papers in front of me and slapped the pen in my hand and said "sign it". They gave me a pink piece of paper to sign for a baby bonus, they kept repeating in my face "this is yours if you give us the baby". They kept hassling me to sigh the papers, I was drugged to the eyeballs, to this day I don't know if I signed adoption papers and won't know until I get my information on June 18th 1999. The harassment continued. I would sweat that my baby was about four weeks old when Mr. Bond personally came to escort me back to Mt. St. Canice without my son, he told me that my son had already been placed for adoption but I was quite sure he was still there.

I was released into my brothers care at the age of 22 for a trip to Melbourne, I refused to return to Hobart and my brother took responsibility for me.

I am not particularly religious, I'm always looking at children trying to find a resemblance, I have no trust in Authority, I'm very conscious of any documents I sign, I have no self confidence, I was a heavy drinker for a while, I believed that I was a "bad mother". I tried to make my second son my first, but he didn't fit in, he wasn't number - one. I was in an unsteady relationship. I set out to prove that I wasn't a good mother. I had no family support. I was still a Ward of the State when my second son arrived in 1973, and I was told that if I was caught neglecting him he would be taken from me as well.

I used to look in all the classifieds hoping that my son would advertise for me, to this day I hate Garth Bonds guts. I've never hidden the fact that I had another son. My family, are perhaps trying to give me a little support now but I keep them at arms distance.

Adoption as it stands now STINKS, birthmothers were never taken into consideration in the adoption process, I've been hurting a long long time, I feel that I've lost a part of me and I can never recover, I'll never forget his blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm afraid of the day that I will come face to face with my son. Will he reject me? Will he forgive me?

I'm very conscious of the fact that my son may be asthmatic, have a thyroid problem, or shimis disease.